Because last night brought ALL the sleep disturbances, including but not limited to:
1.) The Boxhound’s marathon stretch of flatulence: foul gas pockets erupting at regular intervals and rising from beneath the bed, turning an already hot and humid room into the Bog of Eternal Stench.
2.) Restless Partner Syndrome: OMG JUST PICK A POSITION AND SLEEP IN IT ALREADY
3.) In the middle of the night, Oreo turned on the Roomba, which roared to life and zoomed all over the house for what felt like hours, successfully evading capture until it got stuck under the couch and started beeping loudly in protest.