Lessons Learned

Things I have learned at ALA Midwinter:

1.) I cannot out-drink my boss. To be honest, I didn’t expect that I’d be able to; and, to be fair, neither did I expect that the opportunity would arise.

2.) Librarians are not well equipped for survival in the wild (= the real world). They are like newly hatched ducklings with an inordinate fondness for ARCs and tote bags.

3.) My colleagues are walking, talking disease vectors; even when they know they are carriers of the plague, they refuse to stop waddling through the exhibit hall, coughing and sneezing on every piece of swag they see and touch.

4.) Speaking of the plague…ok, in librarian circles, there is a theory — more of an urban legend, actually — that when certain authors don’t win ALL THE PRIZES, people die. All-y’all, I think it might be true.*

5.) People who use the adage “possession is nine-tenths of the law” to justify denying their double-booked seat on an AirTran flight — literally, the Megabus of the skies — to a “rival” who’s exhausted, extremely ill, and just wants to sit next to her partner (so that she can use his warm, strong shoulder as a pillow to rest her aching head) is three bags full of d0uc#3. End of story.**

6.) It’s better to be home. Always.




*The members of my committee have been at death’s door ever since one particular round of voting that eliminated a much-loved book. I can’t give details, but here’s a hint: check out the Listen List. Those folks are doing great, because they appeased the literary gods while we went rogue.
**Actually, no. One more thing: who do you think you are, Emperor f*cking Augustus? Your ticket says 14C — Zone 6, @$$hole, not motherf*cking Hispania or the double-damned Africa Province.

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