‘Tisn’t the Season

However much the Holiday Season may have metastasized, Winter has not yet officially started.

Meanwhile, I’ve been preoccupied with gift-giving — and, second only to working in retail, I have never had greater insight into what it is about this time of year that drives so many to despair (and a small subset of those to suicide.)

My shopping activities also lead me to conclude that gifts are for the giver, not the recipient.

Speaking for myself, the things in life I want/need are either

  • so cheap and common — e.g. a bottle of shampoo*; a book of stamps**; a double latte — that many would be offended by the request, because it does not  provide adequate scope for the gift-giver to exercise his or her taste, discernment, or creativity…
  • “big” enough — e.g. a mattress***, my gardening addiction — that I’d never actually ask someone else to purchase it for me, because that’s bratty and obnoxious.

Normally, I’d just save up and buy whatever it is myself, because (for now, at least) I am a gainfully employed adult. There’s no excuse to go begging.

Except that I am required to send presents to people who, if they don’t receive some thoughtfully chosen, artfully wrapped token of my esteem, even one they don’t like and will forget about three seconds after they receive it, will have hurt feelings. Maybe forever.

Meanwhile, here’s my personal list of the things I need that I won’t be able to afford, thanks to Motherf*cking Xmas:

1.) Boots: alas, I had a comparable pair for about 6 or 7 years before the soles wore through and the uppers started detaching themselves; I’d hoped to replace them this winter, but instead I’ll be walking to the bus stop in 20-degree weather wearing my flats for the foreseeable future.

2.) Socks: I don’t often wear socks, but when I do, I prefer thick, woolly ones, mostly because they don’t make my feet sweat. TMI, probably, but there it is. Had I the aforementioned boots, I likely wouldn’t even need the socks…but in any event, I get neither.

3.) Hoodie with the zipper unbroken, to replace the hoodie with the zipper broken. I’ve been pinning mine shut lately, or hiding it beneath a vest or coat, but it’s more of a stopgap measure than a permanent solution.

I guess when it comes down to it, what I want is to be a.) warm, b.) clean, and c.) comfortable.



*Actually, that’s a bad example, because I have weird hair that can only be kept in line by shampoo formulated for mixed-race infants.
**I never have a stamp when I need one; I’d be so much better about paying bills and acknowledging birthdays if I had more stamps.
***even before the dog dug a hole in the middle of it, it looked and smelled like something we rescued from the curb in front of a flophouse; don’t worry, though, the one in the guest bedroom is comfy and hygienic

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