Due to a recent dearth of good fortune, I’ve taken to standing in front of the mailbox and pleading, “Tell me something good!”
Of course, it doesn’t.
Instead, it vomits bills, sales flyers, and catalogs onto my shoes. Like so:
HOWEVER. It’s not all bad news — See?
Thanks to these coupons, which are literally the BEST NEWS I HAVE RECEIVED ALL WEEK, I can drink up to FOUR $#!++y rum & cokes at 5:15AM on a Northeast-bound Southwest Airlines flight, which is really the only way to approach PHL or, God help us all, BWI.