The Shed Project: Part One

The first step in any shed project is clearing out the shed. Which we did.

"contents unknown"

The results remind me a bit of Huang Qingjun‘s work, except that we don’t live in a remote area of China and…well, a lot of what’s in this shed isn’t ours — it belonged to the previous owners, who (quite rightly) decided that they didn’t need any of this stuff in NYC and left it for us to deal with as we saw fit.

Though I suppose it’s ours NOW, since we have to figure out what to do with it (and in some cases,  what it is).

"shed contents"

There was a lot of stuff in there. Among other items, every kind of motor oil (new AND used) known to humankind, the instruction book and various accessories for a nail gun…that ended up being nowhere in the shed, some unused, but unattachable-to-anything IKEA drawers, an easel, a fairly swanky dartboard, a box of the second ugliest lighting fixtures I’ve ever seen, ALL THE ANT-KILLER (!!!), a microscope (?), one very smart field mouse (o_O), and, like, 10 old doors — which I would imagine came from the house, except that I don’t think any of them would fit our existing doorways, nor do I think there are even 10 doorways in our house.*

It’s like an especially tedious, 9-hour crossover episode of Hoarders-meets-Storage-Wars, except that NO ONE WOULD EVER BID ON THE CONTENTS OF THIS SHED,** not even if there was an itemized inventory.***

(During the cleaning process, I made some chalk doodles on inside of the door.)

"chalk doodles"

What else? Oh, lots and lots and lots of scraps of wood, all cut to unusable lengths and at strange angles, as you can see below.

Oh, and here’s the gross couch in the back of the shed…

"gross couch"

…because there’s always a gross couch to be found somewhere on the premises of wherever you’re cleaning. ALWAYS.

It’s probably where the mouse was living. Which, by the way, we still have not caught…meaning that — in the 24 hours since this photo was taken — it is the proud progenitor of some 800 grandchildren which we won’t be able to catch either.


*Yep, just counted —  6 doorways, 7 doors. Don’t ask me how that works, because as far as I can see, it doesn’t and shouldn’t. However, very little about our domicile is logical, so I’m going to let that slide.
**Well, as the owners, I suppose that technically, WE did.
***There wasn’t. There was, however, a non-itemized inventory. I believe on the original contract it says, “plus miscellaneous shed contents” — which turned out not to be legal, so the owners then proceeded to list about 7 objects at random, including things like “saw” and “shelving unit.” It was like playing Hidden Pictures in 3-D.

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