Adopt A Stop

Recently, I learned about our local transit authority’s Adopt-a-Stop program, and I have to say, I’m tempted to participate. And why not? They could use some TLC and I could probably get a lot of work done while I’m standing in the middle of nowhere, waiting for my ride.

Anyway, here are some potential candidates:

Option A: Stop #5972

"lost highway"

This stop located along Highway 55, near the Red Roof Inn. I confess: whenever I’m waiting for the bus, I always glance at their weekly rates and calculate what it would cost to live there full-time. On occasion, I conclude that — if you factor in the shorter commute, the free wifi + HBO, and the fact that I’d periodically get fresh towels delivered — it’s probably a better deal than my mortgage (not to mention anybody’s rent). The only downside is that I’d never get to see My Fella or our menagerie ever again.*

"litterbugs"

Clearly, the 12 Inbound is the official party bus of the Durham Area Transit Authority — if by “party,” you mean “Waffle House breakfast washed down with a 40.” Good times, that. And if I spoke any Spanish at all and were a little less terrified of big rigs barreling down the highway at the speed of meth, I’d totally sit roadside on the guide rail with the Salvadoreans.

Option B: #5973

"bus, stop"

This stop has the advantage of location, location, location. First of all, there’s an actual sidewalk. Secondly, if you need a powerball ticket or a pack of smokes, you’ve come to the right place. Except you haven’t, because apparently this stop is a non-smoking metal signpost stuck in a berm stop. I don’t know if anyone can/would actually enforce this policy, but I guess you just have to ask yourself how lucky you feel. And if the skies look ominous, that’s because they are.** But not as ominous as this:

"wetland wasteland"

If you said, “Wait, are those exposed electrical cables, snaking through a petroleum-infused drainage ditch?” then I would say, “Yes. Yes, they are.” Which sort of knocks the rose-colored glasses right off one’s face.

If neither of those appeal, there’s technically an Option C (not shown): J & P Memorials, a purveyor of grave markers and monuments whose rather ambiguous slogan is “for those who care.” But I think adopting that particular stop would practically be asking the gods to make you a hit-and-run statistic.

*On some occasions, such as when the dirty clothes in the hamper overflow and join forces with the piles of dirty clothes on the floor to overrun the entire house, or when the damned Boxhound digs a hole in the mattress(!?!), this does not seem like such a bad deal. Plus I could watch Game of Thrones!
**For some reason, no matter what the actual weather forecast, the sky over 55 always looks like the background in one of those TV spots “approved by” politicians who fervently believe that marriage equality, women in the workforce, acknowledgment of the scientific consensus on climate change, or even *gasp* THE RADICAL SOCIALIST MENACE THAT IS PUBLIC TRANSIT is going to DESTROY AMERICA.
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