Sweet Are The Uses of Ambidexterity

Mostly because it means that I can make rude hand gestures at oncoming traffic in two directions simultaneously. Very handy, and more than adequate compensation for both my atrocious handwriting and my inability to use scissors.

Of course, I have a sneaking suspicion that I may have inadvertently insulted people I know, what with ours being a rather small and self-contained neighborhood. However, since 100% of cars and 87% of white people look alike to me (especially in the former Confederate States of America), I really have no way of knowing.

Nor am I experiencing any real remorse regarding my incivility — because, really, if the worst thing that happens to you in the course of your day is that some prole in a Honda $#!+box flips you the bird, YOU HAVE NO REAL PROBLEMS.

And secretly, I kind of appreciate jerk@$$ drivers, because it gives me the opportunity to release the hounds of blistering profanity upon my fellow human beings. It’s a shame I never remember to open the windows in time, and that even if I did, the objects of my lacerating scorn wouldn’t be able to hear me. For I have a great and terrible temper, worthy of wrathful ancient deities, which hasn’t really had a proper outlet ever since I outgrew fistfights with my siblings.

Unfortunately, although my crankiness is in overdrive today, my overall mood is blunted by exhaustion. I really, really need to get more sleep…and, if I can just make it through COB Friday, this will happen, because I shall be officially ON VACATION.





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