Ice, Ice, Baby.

Things that are frozen right now:

Sidewalks, crosswalk buttons, and my 8-to-5 wage-slaving @$$.

Although the GoTriangle website states that all regional transit services  are operational and running on their regular schedules, I’m not sure anyone’s actually told the drivers this. Or maybe someone has, but they’ve all gone rogue and are now — as I type these words — gathered, like a bunch of squad cars, in the parking lot of an Arby’s somewhere, shooting the $#!+ and slurping coffee.

Because I have seen like, 1 bus all morning and it was the 6B. I didn’t even hear any traffic, which is why I overslept.

But DATA’s a whole other story anyway. On my old route, the TTA 400, the operators would probably never would have responded to my fumbling attempts to flatten out a dollar and insert it into the till with, “Turn it the other way, you dumb cracker.” (They just ignore everybody, mostly.) Also, TTA passengers — unlike the DATA 10 regulars, bless their non-existent hearts — don’t boo and heckle you when you pull the “stop requested” cord, then yell at you for impeding their progress to Durham Station.

Anyway, I decided to walk because I chose coffee over transportation. And, despite slipping on sidewalk ice and nearly fracturing bones at least three times, I HAVE NO REGRETS.

NONE.

I am, however, astonished that a supposedly German cafe-slash-bakery would serve drinks at the speed of molasses — did you know that the fade-out to “Hey Jude” does, in fact, END (eventually)? I didn’t, but I do now, because I heard the entire song, start to finish, while I was waiting for my dose of caffeine.*

And I was one of 2 customers.

(I am tempted to enlist a German native speaker to go in there and lecture them at length and high volume about their inefficiency and poor management, except that I have it on reasonably good authority that everyone working back in the kitchen is Russian.)

By the way, the other customer ordered a decaf skim latte, which is pointless. Unless you have a heart condition — no, scratch that, because I’ve got a mild cardiac arrhythmia and I still go up to baristas and say, “Pretend I’m one of those ice road truckers” before jitterbugging off with my 3-4 shots of espresso-milk — you’re just deluding yourself AND wasting your money.

And that’s my reasonably eventful morning so far. Now I’m going to thaw out and work on writing some author descriptions. BUT: Long weekend coming up! And not long after, MIDWINTER (sigh) in SEATTLE (yay)!

*This might be a good test, actually. Load up your portable music player of choice and time how long it takes to steam milk. You may be very surprised by the results.
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